Love Comes First

Muffled Lullaby

The other night, I sat in the family room and listened to the sound of hushed voices upstairs.

Jordan and Andrew should have been in bed. It was late on a school night, and they'd already told me goodnight. I guess I should have gone upstairs to break up their discussion. I knew the next morning would come too soon. But, I didn't. I just let them talk. My heart told me to let them be.

I couldn't hear the words, but I could feel the friendship.

So, I turned out my lights and headed to bed.

Then, fell asleep listening to the faintest echoes of my children's voices.

Reason #143 to love my iPhone

 

Catching what happened instead of being in bed on time.

So glad I had my phone in my hand!

Aren't they fun?

Must be the last 2 weeks of school

It's getting harder to harder to wake the kids in the morning.

Gymnastics Banquet

Well, another season is over. I feel like Jordan should really be the one to document this year. Since she is the one who lives and breathes the sport and I am just the spectator, I don't feel very qualified to be the commentator. Perhaps, I'll convince her to add her viewpoint... For now, though, here's a mother's perspective.

After spending last season nursing a broken foot, Jordan was finally healthy for the 2012 season. I had high hopes for her success. But, this year would present her with new challenges. Physically, she was stronger, yes. But, the mental and emotional toll of her sport finally caught up with her this year. It was a hard season. I watched her slowly unravel as she tried to keep up with early morning seminary, pressure-filled workouts, challenging school classes, and family life. Thread by thread, I watched my daughter's inner weave weaken. 

About mid-season, Jordan reached her breaking point, called out for help, and began stitching herself back together. It was a slow process, but by Regionals, she was almost whole again. For the first time all season, I felt like I was watching my daughter. Finally, she looked composed. She had a good meet. Not perfect, but pretty solid. I was so relieved.

Unfortunately, Jordan's division this year took back lots of elite gymnasts who returned to level 10. Though Jordan had a good meet, she didn't have enough difficulty in her routines to place in the top 7 for a spot to Nationals against all of those former elites gymnasts. In fact, of the seven gymnasts who went to Nationals for Region 3, five of them placed in the top 6 at Nationals. The fact that Jordan held her own with them at Regionals says a lot about how good she is. She ended up finishing 10th (just 3 spots shy of Nationals) and qualified for NIT. She would have qualified for Nationals in any other senior division except her own. Hard stuff.

At the end of it all, I'm so proud of Jordan's accomplishments. Her victories don't show up in her statistics. Her meet scores can't reflect her achievements. And, her videos can't display her winnings. But, I know her heart, and I see a champion. Jordan kept going through fear, frustration, discouragement, and tears. She found her way out of the darkness, and she is so much stronger because of it.

I watched her at the banquet with her friends, and I loved what I saw. Her confidence this year doesn't come from her medals, it comes from conquering her personal giants. Wow! She has the potential to do so much good in the world. (And, doesn't she look beautiful and modest and sweet in her dress.) I sure love her! Looking back, I can see the good that came out of a challenge. 

So now, she is working on claiming a scholarship to BYU. One of their coaches came to watch her train last weekend, but we don't have a feel for what they are thinking. Coaches from a bunch of other colleges tell us that BYU should snatch her up and that BYU is behind in their recruiting. But, what the other colleges say doesn't really matter. Perhaps Jordan shouldn't have been turning away all of the attention from other schools in hopes of BYU's interest? We are crossing our fingers that things progress well and that Jordan somehow snatches up that ONE spot for her year. Send some positive thoughts her way, will you? 

Phew! That was a novel.

And yet, it just scratched the surface.

Gymnastics,

Eclipsing, consuming, replete with life lessons.

I Spy

From across the field, I thought I saw Andrew. Yes, while I followed Matthew around for field day, Andrew was practicing soccer during middle school athletics. Well, I was a mom with a camera, so you can bet I walked over to get a shot.

As I got closer, I  saw that Andrew was calling to the keeper. He wanted to take a shot on goal and waited for the keeper to turn his way.

Just as I arrived, I heard the coach yell, "Balls in!" (See coach on far left, Andrew on far right)

So, Andrew kicked the ball.

And, his coach yelled, "Run a lap, Dalebout!"

"In fact, make it two."

So, I smiled and waved, and took his picture.

And, he smiled and waved and ran two laps.

And, I chuckled at how funny the whole thing was. So Andrew. So Middle School. So Coach. So Mother. So ironic. So perfectly timed.

Made my day.

Field Day

Even though it gets a little crazy, I do love the end-of-year events for my kids. Matthew's field day was lots of fun! Highlights were: Matthew and Cade winning the 3-legged race, Matthew taking 2nd place in the hula contest, Matthew taking 3rd on several running events, and ESPECIALLY winning the tug-of-war!

Unexpected Journey

Matthew's surgery began with a visit to the orthodontist. He finally had enough adult teeth to begin fixing his bite. Except the orthodontist noticed that he has a troublesome swallowing pattern....

Pause orthodontia, begin therapy for tongue thrust.

Except the speech therapist was concerned about his serious allergies and tendency to breath through his mouth (which is what probably caused tongue thrust for him). Perhaps we ought to get to the bottom of that before investing too much time/money in therapy?

Pause therapy, seek insight from an Ear, Nose, Throat Specialist.

Well, it turns out that in addition to terrible allergies, Matthew's adenoids were so enlarged and infected that he had very little space to let air pass through. So, Matthew had a little surgery last week to remove his "slimy" adenoids. The surgery went well, but Matthew's recovery from anesthesia was difficult. He threw up for over 24 hours and by the end of the day looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "I don't want to be me anymore." Poor guy.

Thankfully, he turned a corner about 26 hours post surgery and was able to keep water and some toast down. For a little body, 39 hours without food or water is a long time. He was very happy that his legs stopped shaking and he had the energy to visit Andrew at his Eagle project. Once the nausea wore off, he was like a new kid. Amazingly, he never needed pain medicine. His only complaint was a little pressure in his ears, and he seemed to be good as new just two days after the surgery.

Over and over during this experience, I found myself feeling deeply grateful that my children have been so healthy. Oh, we've had our broken bones, stitches, and therapies, of course. But, we've never spent extended periods of time in the hospital for testing, surgery, or invasive treatment. My children walk out of the house every day with shiny eyes and strong bodies. They run, compete, think and learn without even realizing what a miracle that is. I'm glad this little experience reminded me to kneel and thank Heavenly Father for our health.

I also keep thinking about how interesting life is. What started as a regular visit to the orthodontist ended in an unexpected surgery and tongue therapy. We were prepared for braces and headgear, but ended up with hospitals and mouth exercises. Our current path is not the one we expected to take. But, if we hadn't travelled this way, Matthew would never have announced, "I don't have to try so hard to breath anymore." What a blessing!

So what now? Weekly tongue therapy (and daily homework), hoping that we can teach his tongue some new patterns. A continuation of daily allergy meds. And hopefully, braces to fix his bite sometime in the fall. But, who knows? This is a journey that I can't seem to predict. Even I am wondering what may be around the next bend. I hope it is something fantastic!

On his way to Eagle

This weekend, Andrew completed his Eagle project. We are so excited for him!

Andrew's project benefited Frisco Community Garden. The garden is planted and tended by volunteers who grow crops they will never get to harvest.  Instead, Frisco Family Services harvests the vegetables for use at their food pantry so they can give needy families fresh produce. Several scouts in Andrew's scout troop have worked or are working on projects for the garden. We jokingly said that they ought to rename it Boy Scout Garden.

For his project, Andrew built 3 large garden trellis and a picnic table. He also used some of his extra stain and workers to finish an arbor that the coordinator mentioned was "driving him crazy." The arbor wasn't part of his project, but it was nice to be able to add a happy surprise. Everything turned out really well, and at the end of the project, Andrew said, "I'm really proud of what we accomplished today." We are proud, too.

Eagle projects for a 13 year old don't happen in isolation, and we were humbled by the number of people who helped Andrew accomplish his goals:

• A scout leader who set a date and then kept reminding Andrew that the deadline was approaching. That date was to include 4 prospective Eagle scouts who would all work on their projects simultaneously as part of a day of service for the Priesthood commemoration." That deadline and the consistent gentle reminders were exactly the motivation Andrew (and his parents) needed.
• Friends and family who bought boards on-line on short notice and were very generous in their giving. Andrew was supposed to raise the funds for the project himself, and could never have accomplished that without the kindness of all the good people who contributed. It is a very humbling thing as a parent to watch email after email come from friends, coworkers, and family who could find lots of other ways to spend their income, but give it to your son instead. Formal thank yous are being written, but if you were one of Andrew's supporters, please know how grateful we are to you! It couldn't have happened without you. Truly. Thank you.
• Ward members who spent their Saturday morning working next to Andrew. Time is precious. It can be hard to give. With four eagle projects happening simultaneously, we wondered how thin our ward would be stretched. Saturdays are busy days. Well, we need not have worried. Apparently our ward is quite stretchy indeed. Andrew had as many workers as he had jobs to be done. Good men, women, teenagers and children all listening to my 13 year old and following his instructions. They worked hard and got nothing more than some donuts and kolaches as payment. We are so thankful for them. What good people surround us!

What a great day for Andrew!

Congratulations, bud. You are so, so close to the finish.

Your four generations of Eagles photo -- nearly there!

Very exciting.

Quiet your heart and look around

I am convinced that happiness is all around us. If we are observant, we will not be able to ignore the beauty that fills our days. Even during exceptionally busy or challenging seasons, we can find it. Our job is to open our eyes to it, to seek for joy in the everyday.

Ordinary miracles.

Except that there is nothing ordinary about miracles. It's just that some miracles are disguised as regular life so we can miss them if we aren't careful. They are only ordinary if we are looking the other way, distracted by our cares and to-do lists. I love the way Brian Andreas says it:

“Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life.” 

Even though I know this is true, sometimes I miss the miracles.

Sometimes, I let life become a highway. I drive a sports car, focused on my destination. I watch the road ahead. Tunnel vision. My car is powerful and fast and I am zooming toward my goal. I swerve around obstacles, barely slowing down. Nothing can distract me from crossing the finish line.

Scenery becomes a blur in my periphreal vision. I can't afford to look to the side. As quickly as I am travelling, I might make a mistake at the wheel. So, the milemarkers stretch into streaks of color just outside my windows and disappear into the shadows of my rearview mirror. What was that I missed? From the corner of my eye, I thought I detected something important. I saw a brief flash as I passed. But, when I search my mirror, the reflection is tiny and I can't tell what is behind me.

My problem lately is that I've been "driving" too quickly.

In an effort to slow down and take in the scenery, I thought I'd make a list of the little pleasures on the roadside of my life this week:

Backyard Baseball

We all sat down to watch a recorded AFV (one of Matthew's favorites) and eat popcorn. I shared a bowl with Matthew as he tucked himself into the space next to me. I savored the moment. He is my best snuggler. When AFV was over, Scott switched to a recorded American Idol episode to see who went home. But, Matthew doesn't really enjoy American Idol and asked Andrew to go outside and play baseball instead. When Andrew said no,  Matthew went to the backyard alone to play. Five minutes into his show, Scott looked outside and saw Matthew playing by himself. He tossed the remote to Andrew and left American Idol to join Matthew. As you can guess, Andrew followed shortly after. As I watched them through the window, I saw them laughing together. They stayed and played that way until dark forced them inside.

Oh, my heart warmed as I watched my boys with their dad. They are so lucky to have a father who plays with them, who doesn't like to see them alone and trades remotes for backyard baseballs. An ordinary moment? Yep, playing catch happens a lot in our house. But, as I watched them from the house, I felt drawn to the scene and let time stand still for a moment. How I love my three boys!

A trip to the ballpark

We have a small season ticket package to the local Triple A baseball team and attended a game on Friday. Here's my list of beautiful moments from the night.

• Dinner comes with our tickets so I didn't have to cook! Nachos and hamburgers for dinner won't win me any health awards, I know. But, it was certainly a nice break from meal preparation.
• Scott made it home from Seattle early so he came with us. He bought a ticket at the door, and we squished him into our row. I was delighted to have Matthew sit on my lap! Lucky me.
• Jordan chose to be with us on a Friday night. I don't take this for granted. I know that I am super lucky to have a teenager who chooses to be with her family rather than friends during her free time. Especially since she chooses us often. 
• Scott enjoys these trips to the ballpark a lot a lot a lot, and it's nice to see him so relaxed and happy. I enjoyed watching him talk and laugh with his friend, John Fish. He is clearly in his element at a baseball game :)
• It was really nice to sit down next to each other for several hours. Four family members captive together. Wow! That's a record for us lately.
• When Matthew asked Scott for Dippin Dots ice cream, I loved Scott and Jordan's responses. Jordan volunteered to take Matthew so he wouldn't be alone at the ballpark (but didn't ask for ice cream herself). She is ALWAYS quick to notice a need and offer her help. And Scott gave Matthew money and said, "Buy some for Jordan and Logan, too." Scott is ALWAYS generous. This was an ordinary exchange, nothing special. But, I still love what it says about the way they respond to life.  

Scout Leaders

While the rest of us went to the ballgame, Andrew went camping with his scout troop. Every time I drop him off for a camp out, I want to hug his leaders (and the families they leave behind). Seriously, these men give something of monumental value: time and love. And, they do it once a month. With 12 and 13 year olds. EVERY month. As a mother, I am very grateful for all the partners I have who help me raise my children. Teachers, leaders, coaches, neighbors. We are so fortunate to be surrounded by amazing people who are invested in our children. Wow! (Of course, Andrew had a great time. His highlight? Throwing knives. That and being called out for Order of the Arrow. Not sure what to do about that, though. One more commitment... We're going to have to do some more research. Anyone have any experience with that part of Boy Scouts?)

Kids who love to exercise

Andrew came to me Monday morning (out of school for the day) and asked if he could go for a run. He has been doing this more lately. He turns on his music and his Nike + and runs. This time, he invited Matthew to come along on his scooter. Three miles later, the boys came in sweaty and grinning. Andrew exclaimed, "I love running." I love that my kids are developing healthy habits of consistent exercise. I hope they continue that into adulthood, because I know it will make them not only healthier but also happier. 

TAKS and STARS testing

My kids will laugh that this is here. I mean, no one really enjoys four days of State mandated testing, right? Except, for these few things: First, my kids tell me that on testing days they HAVE to have a GOOD breakfast. So, I cook things like toast, eggs, and oatmeal. It makes me feel like a GOOD mother. And, it makes them happy. Second, every afternoon my kids come home and tell me how easy the test was. Wow, I'm so grateful for kids who have bright minds and who are beneficiaries of the great schools in our district. Third, because TAKS testing changes up the school schedule, Jordan can't attend morning gym (because she has to go to school). So, after seminary last week, Jordan had lots of time to get ready for the day. She actually dried her hair four days in a row. I loved seeing those golden strands resting on her shoulders each morning. I also smiled when I walked in one afternoon to find her asleep on the sofa, taking a power nap before gym. Free time is a rare occurence in her schedule, and it was heartening to see her rest.

Unexpected time with my boys

Since school was out on Monday, I got some extra time with my kids. Hooray! The boys really wanted to go to a paintball place, but it was closed. So, we went to an indoor trampoline park instead. OK, so if I'm honest, I'll tell you that those places frighten me. A lot. As in, frightened enough to feel panic set in. But, the boys love them, and Andrew looked so hopeful when he suggested it. So after a short lecture on safety and repeated requests, "PLEASE be careful," I set the boys free. They spent two hours flipping, dodgeballing, tube sliding, and jumping. Matthew followed Andrew around like a puppy and mimicked his big brother's every move. It was very sweet. And, if you use the amount of sweat on their heads as an indicator of fun, they topped the fun meter! We took their sweaty heads and rounded out our adventure with lunch at Pei Wei and cookies from Magnolia Bakery. Very fun! I love my boys.

A finished quilt

I had this great idea to make a quilt for the picnic we had at our family photo shoot. I'd had the fabric hanging around for a long time, and this seemed like the perfect incentive to make that quilt I had in mind. Except that I had more distractions than I anticipated, and I didn't get quite finished in time. I sewed right up until 3 PM on the day of the shoot when I decided I better take a shower. I got so close...just the binding remained. We used it anyway :) and I hope I don't look at all the pictures and regret it later...  Anyway, I added the binding last week and after a trip through the washing machine, it looks just like I had hoped. It's a simple patchwork design, but has the happiest fabric. It's perfect for a picnic. Finished quilts make me feel happy. As soon as I finish one, I'm itching to start another. Funny girl.

Books

We've been reading lots of good ones lately. Monday, I read an entire book. In one day! That was a lot of restful time for me. How indulgent and wonderful. The book was one that Andrew passed down to me. The completion of a series we started last year. It is fun for me to read the books my kids are reading so we can have discussions about them. This one was particularly satisfying to me. It's not often that Andrew reads for pleasure, so when he recommends a book I feel anxious to join in. (The Roar and The Whisper, if you're curious.)

Reilly

Several times over the weekend, I really watched my kids interact with Reilly. Once, when Matthew was lonely, he took her outside to play and instantly looked happier. When Jordan sat on the couch, Reilly curled up next to Jordan and I saw Jordan smile. I watched Andrew laugh as he played tug-o-war with Reilly on a lazy afternoon. Reilly is like a little bit of magic. None of us are immune. She makes us feel happy. Fluffy and gentle, Reilly is a cheerful greeter when we come home and the last face we see when we leave. She is always available to play or snuggle. She's never too busy or tired. She brings out the best in my children. They love her, and I'm certain no other Christmas present will ever compare. She really is a gift in our home.

Finger Crossing

Scott walked out of his office today grinning from ear to ear and pumping his fist in excitement. He had just spoken with the coach at BYU confirming their upcoming visit to Texas to watch Jordan train. During the course of their conversation, they spoke about bringing Jordan to Utah for a football game in September and that Jordan needed to befriend the current team members on facebook so she could get to know them. Though there are obviously no guarantees, we are encouraged by the signs of interest that BYU is showing in Jordan. We are finger crossing, praying, and doing a lot of hoping that their one 2013 scholarship spot will go to our cute redhead in Texas. It is a special thing to be an observer to someone's dreams, to watch them work hard, to watch their disappointments and successes along the way, to see the hope in their eyes. Here's to those dreams coming true! Wouldn't that be spectacular?

Stake Conference

This weekend, we enjoyed the visits of Elder Christensen and Elder Hansen of the Seventies. I was able to attend three sessions of conference with them. I filled my notebook with nine pages of notes! I left the special youth session Sunday filled with ideas from the weekend. My favorite, though, was just a simple idea. It has been sticking with me and I've felt it change my behavior. Elder Hansen shared a secret he learned on his mission called "The 5 Second Rule." He said, "Follow promptings from the Spirit within 5 seconds so you don't have time to explain them away." 5 seconds is not very long. It is immediate, really. And, it is making a difference for me.

Little hands

This is the last one for today. When Matthew was a baby, he would play with my hair while I fed him. Occasionally, he will still reach out for my hair. Sitting in church or reading together on the couch, I will feel his fingers move through the strands of hair near my face. Gentle. Slow. He slides his hand up and down and it instantly takes me back to the rocking chair in his room, light spilling through the cracks in the shutters, just enough to illuminate his heavy eyelashes laying on his cheeks. These moments come less frequently as he grows. I guess he doesn't need the comfort of my hair as often anymore. Aaahh,  but when he surprises me with that tender little touch, my heart swells. I close my eyes and remember.

"Time stands still best in moments that look suspiciously like ordinary life.” Brian Andres

Except it's not really ordinary at all.

It is miraculous.

Grand Champion!

Using a recycled car from last year, and without his official scout uniform, Matthew was named the Pinewood Derby Grand Champion this weekend.

We keep chuckling that it worked out that way. Last year, Matthew's car did fairly well (maybe 3rd or 4th?), and he thought that if he had used graphite he would have done better. So, he decided to try it again this year to see. Wow, Scott got off pretty easy with a quick trip to the craft store for graphite, five minutes on the grass squirting the black powder on the wheels, and a hug for good measure.

Matthew's car took 2nd place on its first race, but then proceeded to take 1st on every subsequent race except one. He won both his age group and the grand champion division made up of the top three cars from each age group. Wow! We may never build another car again. That little lime green car was a true champ and Matthew's face was an absolute delight to watch.

Now look at Matthew for the last race of the grand champion division....

As a mother, I have learned that my children don't always need to win. Sometimes, losing teaches them more important lessons. Sometimes, the working and struggling and disappointments of life are what help them become truly great individuals. (Just in Pinewood Derbies alone, we've had more than our fair share of losses :) Ask Andrew about his first car...) When things don't go quite their way, I hope they are learning to handle loss with grace and good humor and confidence. I hope their disappointments only prod them to work harder and hang onto their dreams with an unbreakable grip. That kind of tenacity and hope will make their life not only successful, but beautiful as well.

But,

it's also sweet to watch your child win.

Saturday's victory was a great night for a sweet, gentle boy who has experienced plenty of disappointment in his short life. And today, I am grateful for his joy.